How do I talk to my children about death?

  1. krista says:

    @Mychelle: I like that…… “she has some personal favorites.” I’m gonna refer to my spiritual alignment / religion that way – I have some personal faves…. takes the righteous sting out, and I don’t want to be sting-ey that’s for sure….. like hey, this is what I’m working with right now…. wanna check it out?

    @Bev: thank you thank you thank you for sharing your insights! I love the part about new souls coming in all the time as others are departing. Reminds me of the fact that 300,000 women are giving birth right now on this planet. Helps with the isolation….. the cycle of life and death. It’s everywhere.

  2. As a kid I was exposed to death in a very dramatic way and no one explained it to me so I carried it for years until I eventually helped myself.

    Here is what I tell myself:

    Animals know that death is easy and freeing and we people tend to focus on loss and despair. If we truly believe that our newly deceased loved one was really better off and happier in their new place wouldn’t that help? and then if we were taught about the process of letting go of others (and things) as a normal passing wouldn’t that somehow help us not to fear change as much?

    Everything in life is temporary. If we were taught that that meant endless possibility and potential instead of loss and loneliness … seems that we would be more flexible and secure within ourselves.

    I went and got another cat. My cat died and Stew was very ill and we didn’t need the grief of loss so I went right out and got a kitten. We still missed the other cat but it demonstrated that are in a world filled with new souls coming to be with us as others leave.

    I know our loved ones don’t really leave, we just can’t see them right now….but they are still alive, more than when they were here and they can communicate with us in our dreams.. that love never leaves. Maybe it is just that we have to believe more in non physical communication.

    I don’t know if that helps or is anything that you haven’t already thought about. I have had some hard times where a loved one would have been nice but a stranger stepped in at just the right moment with everything I needed and I realized how I was never alone. That that same love that came from my mother watches out for me 24/7 and will send whatever or whomever I need when I need it.

    My mom died in December and while I miss her, she visits me in dreams frequently and is having so much fun. Happier than I ever saw in in life. but of course I am most familiar with our culture’s thoughts about death so I still struggle. And the physical part … her not being here physically.. if I had a stronger understanding about non physical communication would I feel better and be able to communicate more?

  3. I am sorry to hear about Brux kitty. RIP little one. My personal opinion is that honesty is best.
    We talk about death a lot over here in my family; we have had several reasons to lately as well. When one of our beloved midwives died earlier this spring, we did a lot of talking. The difficult part for me is the spiritual aspect, since our family does not have a particular spiritual belief. My four year old seems to grasp that different people believe different things, and that his mama is not quite sure exactly what she believes…but has a few personal favorites. I hate that I cannot promise my kids that I will always be here for them. One day, my son said, “You will die before me, mama.” I told him that I hoped so, and that I hoped it happened when he was good and old.

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